Written 5/31/2020. I lived in downtown Chicago at the time. A place that became the center for protests and riots during the summer of 2020 following George Floyd’s murder. At one point the city raised all but a few bridges, blocked off highway exits and stationed the National Guard to ID anyone who would to enter the area (residents & employees only). Following the first big wave of riots and looting, I sat down and wrote this; typing through the tears, wondering will we ever get out of this cycle of racism and violence?
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I went to bed last night to the sounds of sirens & helicopters (in what is usually a quiet neighborhood), knowing I would wake up to news of more chaos. The looting and destruction wreaked havoc in downtown Chicago, with almost every business adorning a smashed window. Every kind of storefront was affected whether it was a children’s store, gym or a struggling local restaurant. It is not the property that brings the tears but the pain and suffering that lead to the destruction. It represents the brokenness in our society. Being an empath I feel for all and so I spent the day crying for everyone.
I cry for the kids that have had a lifetime of reasons and experiences to justify the anger & fear inside, I cry for the ones that have lost hope because the world has shown them ‘you are not worthy of change.’ I cry for the cops I made eye contact with at the protests; knowing not all of them are bad and imagining they are scared too. I cry for the small business owners who were barely getting by during this COVID crisis, only to have their livelihood destroyed beyond oblivion. I cry for those who can’t put food on the table at all; who lack so much, looting may be the only option if they want to survive.
As I feel all these emotions, I know I will never know the true fear a POC feels when a cop pulls them over, or even walks in their direction. So what do we now? How do we get off this path we have so deeply ingrained for ourself and start anew? We all want to be happy and feel safe. How can we create a world that allows that? A world that is safe for all beings. Why is it so hard to celebrate our differences versus kill in light of them? Why is empathy something we need training in? How many more shootings and shattered windows do we have to go through? When will we stop the “rinse and repeat” of racial violence?
I don't understand how you can love the man to your right and wish death upon the one on your left. When underneath the color of the skin, we are one of the same. Our hearts beat the same. Our lungs breathe the same. So why is it in our brains that we let things change? Why do we let the cultural conditioning carry on, generation after generation?
I have the option to turn off the news and turn a blind eye but people living this every day there isn't an unsubscribe button. I have the privilege to hole up in my home and ignore the evil. People can’t ignore it or escape it when it is what they live through day after day; generation after generation.
The light at the end of COVID is a vaccine. It’s no longer fearing that your presence or unseen bacteria can kill your loved ones. So what is the light at the end of the tunnel for racial injustice? When will communities be able to sleep without fear of losing their lives or lives of loved ones?
A building can burn down and you can rebuild it, making it look like new. But how do you rebuild trust in a community that’s seen nothing but broken promises? How do you reassure them, this time it really will be different? How do we as society make good on that promise? For so long the relationship has been that of an abuser and the abused. Knock a person down, promise it will be different only to strike them down worse than the hundred times before. Rinse & repeat.
